Yesterday, I sat down with yet another doctor to talk about the story of this curve.
About how a titanium rod was screwed in to help straighten it when I was a freshman in high school. About how a decade later, I felt a frightening snap. About how after going from doctor to doctor to doctor — begging for months for someone to figure out why I was suddenly in so much pain — I woke up one morning and couldn’t move my knee. Then later felt a mysterious bump. Then, after being told by multiple doctors “not to worry about it”, eventually discovered that half of my scoliosis rod had somehow broken off…and (unheard of) come unscrewed…and (crazier yet) “migrated” down past dozens of critical organs, where it was lodged in my calf muscle.
Yyyyeah.
The radiologists clustered around the x-ray machine that day told me it was impossible. The nurses told me it was a miracle that I was alive. The orthopedic surgeon on call broke the news that — contrary to what we had originally been told — my spinal fusion a decade before had actually failed, leaving my spine unstable. But that unfortunately, it was too dangerous to re-operate and see if the remaining half of the rod was still screwed in tightly.
Ever since, this curve has haunted me. I try hard not to think much about it. But every time my back pops, or I twist an inch too far in yoga, or think about the next 5…15…50 years, I worry about that rod. And say my thousandth prayer that it stays snugly in place.
Ever since, this curve also just hurts. Most days, it’s a chronic ache that I’ve learned over the years to live with. Some days when I push too hard, it lights my entire back on fire and clears my calendar. Some days I forget all about it, although those days are fewer as I grow older.
Ever since, this curve is also my most visible reminder of the sheer preciousness of life. I used to look in the mirror and only see asymmetry and scars. But today, I see a strong body that still gives me the extravagant gift of being able to walk, travel, do my job, and go on living.
It’s the one precious body I’ve been given. And even though we’ve had a complicated relationship, I’m learning how to fear it less and love it more. And be so very grateful. ♡
Dear Ali, I appreciate your sharing of your scoliosis story. I too have had scoliosis for most of my life. Abundant blessings to you as your continue to navigate this slippery slope. SG
I love your recipes and blog!! You are always so positive and beautiful! No one would know the pain you have been going through. I agree with some of the comments that suggested to keep looking, there must be a specialist out there somewhere. I feel so sad for the pain you have had and are experiencing now. You are so young! Sending prayers and positive thoughts to you!❤️
Sending you love <3
Hi Ali.
Just wanted to say a huge thank you for posting this.
I have been and still are going through a difficult time with my femur and I have struggled and experienced the highs and lows of surgery,recovery,pain and greaving for who I use to be and hopefully one day acceptance. I praise God for your courage and strength to focus on what your body can do and how precious life is. Keep your chin up and focus on the things that really matter in this life Love and friendship Gratitude is a brilliant mind set and will sustain you through the difficult days.
My heart goes out to you. I already knew you were amazing, but this took it to a whole ‘nother level! Praying for you.
So much love to you <3
I feel your pain. I was raised in Southeast Minnesota and have seen the Mayo Clinic do amazing things for family members. I would start a conversation with the best medical group in the USA!
Yes!! Mayo Clinic! If anyone can help you, it’s the neurosurgeons at Mayo. They fixed my scoliosis and changed my life.
Wow! What an amazing health journey. God has been working miracles of protection over you.
Oh Honey, I am so very sorry . I just hate doctors. I am 81 and really enjoy your blog.
I am a caretaker for my husband of 85. He has the dreaded altz.and dementia-etc… We have been married for 62 years. I cook weekly meals for several families so that I can make ends meet.
I really enjoy all of your travel info and recipes. Smile at all of your beautiful pictures.
I hate it that your back gives you so much trouble. Is the original doctor living? I would send him a “hot” telegram!!! That won’t help but would make you feel better for a moment!! I will pray for you and ask God to give you strength physically and mentally. When I have time–(smile) I will write a book about being a caretaker titled “Scream out loud- in silence”. I’m afraid that also describes your situation. AWWW!!! Send BIG HUGS
Oh Honey, I am sooo very sorry . I just hate doctors. I am 81 and really enjoy your blog.
I am a caretaker for my husband of 85. He has the dreaded altz.and dementia-etc… We have been married for 62 years. I cook weekly meals for several families so that I can make ends meet.
I really enjoy all of your travel info and recipes. Smile at all of your beautiful pictures.
I hate it that your back gives you so much trouble. Is the original doctor living? I would send him a “hot” telegram!!! That won’t help but would make you feel better for a moment!! I will pray for you and ask God to give you strength physically and mentally. When I have time–(smile) I will write a book about being a caretaker titled “Scream out loud- in silence”. I’m afraid that also describes your situation. AWWW!!! Send BIG HUGS Dottie